L

Nothing to do with this entry. I just love this picture and her latest single Only Love stuck in my brain.


I don't always talk about love and relationship because I don't believe in them. I guess this is one of those moments of weakness. So here it goes:

I think I’m tough and it takes a lot to really bring me down. But when it comes to controlling my emotions, I’ve always ended up turning into a huge ball of mess.

I know the fact that someone else’s feeling is not something that I have control over especially the way this person fells about me. But being the control freak that I am, I always want to know and be very very sure because I don’t want to end up hurting myself and wasting my time over something that will lead to nowhere.

There’s nothing extreme about my curiosity. I don’t call every five minutes like some kind of needy chick or obsessing over each updates on this person’s Facebook wall. Okay maybe I do the Facebook check like a couple of times a day, but it’s not like this person has to know about it!

It only happens when I started to really like someone and I know for fact that it is not only a one-way kind of thing. But that’s just me. I’m the kind of guy who texts, knows the difference between casual and meaningful sex and does the “friends/more than friends” evaluation extremely well.

So I translate the lack of presence into a simple but sure-fire sign of UNINTERESTED. Five days of no text messages or phone-calls and I’m gone, which exactly what’s going on right now. I decided to again be very very sure before I hit the high road. So I asked for clarification and whether the whole thing was just all in my head. Although, it was easier to answer YES or NO, this person thought that we should meet up and really talk about it.

“Talk about it” can also be translated into millions of different things but I agreed anyway. I waited for a few more days of silence before finally decided that I am not someone that you can simply put on the back-burner. So I sent another text message. I felt the serious need to put an end to this thing that feels like a silent comedy because sadly this person can’t seems to do it.

After a few lame excuses of “I’m in a strange place” and a few others which include one that involved “a very sick grandmother” we decided to meet up tomorrow for the last time so that I can collect my stuff and hopefully spit high and far enough to reach this motherfucker’s face.

And just like that I will be taken back into my reality of feeling unwanted and buying expensive shoes to make up for it... Thank you.

Song playing inside my head: Beyonce’s Disappear

Comments